Pro Gymnastics Challenge Night 3 Recap: That Was a Deltchev!

Tonight, children, gather round and you shall learn of the miracle of the Professional Gymnastics Challenge, how a single day's competition managed to burn for three whole nights. We enter this final stage of the event with the teams tied at two points each. We're running out of events at this point, so the rope climb relay has now become one of the gymnastics apparatuses. It's like a PE class from the 50s, but televised. I make fun because it's so silly, but the relay turns out to be legitimately the most entertaining portion of the whole event. It's a good lesson that sport is simple. Just put some people on a rope and make them race and shout. Basic competition is always interesting, unless it's dressage.

In a nearly identical finish, the US comes from behind and wins by a foot. There is some discussion about dropping to the ground versus completely finishing the climb, but whatever. It's a rope climb. Are there real rules? As is always the case in relays, the US wins it in the transitions.

Pro Gymnastics Challenge Night 2 Recap: A Work in Progress

After another brief introduction with competitors looking determined and assuring us that this is an event unlike anything we've ever seen before, we arrive in the arena for the second section of the action from the Professional Gymnastics Challenge, and guess who's dancing (apart from Zam the Ham, constantly)? It's all the boys. Since forfeiting seems to be the theme of this competition, I hereby declare than any boy dancing for the audience at this event or any other event has forfeited any claim that the men can't dance to music on the floor exercise. You seemed to be enjoying yourselves quite a bit there, gentlemen.

Before the start of the vaulting round, Suri interviews Zam and Josh Dixon. Zam the Ham uses her UCLA training well and does the best job of anyone in the competition at committing to the performance both on and off the apparatuses. Interviews are fundamentally weird and ridiculous and have to be just as much of a performance as the routines. Zam does a good job at committing to the cheese here. Suri recognizes this and does her best Tyra Banks impression by publicly complimenting Zam for having a personality.  

Pro Gymnastics Challenge Night 1 Recap: Sport or Circus?

Professional gymnastics is a tough sell, but the fight is worthy. We should all be in favor of increasing opportunities for those in the post-college age groups to compete gymnastics outside of the limited elite realm. Compete is the operative word there. All other non-elite, non-NCAA incarnations of gymnastics, like the post-Olympic tours and the Skating and Gymnastics Spectaculars, go squarely for circus value. Frankly, I don't see how that kind of event appeals to anyone over the age of seven, nor do I see it as the ideal path for professional gymnastics events.

Even though those circus events continue to exist, the post-Olympic tour is an arena-specific, little girl-based showcase. It's not a grown-adult thing or a TV thing. As for the Skating and Gymnastics Lacklusters, they would never exist without the skating part. Sashaying around a balance beam near a wind machine to some pop knockoff like "We Are Under No Circumstances Resuming This Relationship" by Saylor Twift is not exactly what I would call "TV material."   

For this professional event to be an enjoyable viewing experience, it must allow gymnastics to be a sport, not an exhibition activity. It's never not going to be horribly cheesy, don't even hope for that, but I want to see less of a "Valeri Liukin in a cowboy hat," "John Macready trying to get people pumped" atmosphere and more of a "gymnastics is an enjoyable sport to watch, so stop shouting" atmosphere. I think this competition mostly succeeds in that respect and certainly falls on the sport side of things.